Unwanted Guest
It comes in waves
It flees just as quickly
That feeling of grief
Of love and loss
The weight can be heavy
Yet sometimes so distant
It has been so many years
I still can’t determine
What triggers the onset
When the heft of it will arrive
An unwanted guest
Is what it has become
Making an appearance
When least expected
For sure never wanted
But every single time
Showing up whenever
It wants to
Grief opens its own doors
Let’s itself in
Doesn’t care what is occurring
You thought life was chaotic
Throw some grief in with it all
Too much to carry
Must set something down
Release what can’t be supported
I never asked for this
I didn’t want it
Yet here is is again
Messy and constant
Overwhelming
Overbearing
Enough is enough
Realizing I have to deal with it
Whether I want to or not
Feel all the feelings
Explore what healing could mean
I can’t push it away any longer
Experience it
Process it
Accept it
The heft doesn’t seem as much
Almost like grief wasn’t meant
To be carried long term
Sure I will always wish
That death hasn’t separated us
But facing it all head on
Has enabled me to be stable
And find my firm footing
No more of this off balance
Ready to tip over approach
To a life I should have been living
All along
Every day
I’ve lost so much time
Thankful for my pieced back together heart
That beats and thrives
That foreshadows peace
And love and all that is to come
It may have taken me more time than most
Healing from grief seems cyclical
That grief may show itself again
When least expected
But next time, I know what to do
Continual healing
Constant acceptance
I am more well rounded
More loving and giving
More intentional and accepting
Now I possess the knowledge
That I can do this
I can live this life
I know I can
Separation still exists
But this load is bearable
And I am thankful
For realizations
No matter how long it took
To show itself to me
Author: Kelli J. Gavin
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