Losing my Daughter
Death not like movies
crisp white sheets
hair neatly combed
Death a face too tired to wash
clothes sticky with sweat
smell of urine and sorrow
It is losing control
swallowing pride
praying for the end
I did the praying
not for death but
to end the suffering
You held on
with both hands
almost making us
believe your miracle
to get better
to keep on living
in spite of it all
When I brush my hair
I remember you couldn’t
roll over in bed
I remember you couldn’t
when I brush my teeth
scratch an itch
make dinner
put on my shoes
I remember you couldn’t
you fought every loss
your legs
then arms
your voice
ability to eat
to sit up then
to breathe
helpless, alone
I cried
I miss our Wednesday
breakfasts and walks
I miss your help with
my computer
your strong will and
your bossiness
mostly, I miss your smile
You are not dead.
Just in another room
on the other side
where I can’t see you.
you have a dog
or two, three cats
maybe more
and chickens playing
havoc in your garden
you have problems to solve.
computers to fix
plants to grow
all the while kindly
telling others what to do
I talked with a medium
wanting connection
you were easy to find
She saw you place
your hand on your heart
like you did when saying,
“I love you”
she heard the song
“I’m walk’in, yes indeed
I’m talk’in”. letting me
know you are healthy
When she told me that you said
you were grateful for all you
learned through the disease
I knew for sure it was you.
Photo Credit: Sandy Millar on Unsplash
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